Previously
I quoted Steve Jobs as saying something along the lines of “Your time is
limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by
dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let
the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice”. Have you ever tried to think and live outside
the commonly accepted stereotype or expectation people have of you? I find it really difficult, I feel a bit like
a failure, I feel weird and strange and it can be a bit lonely; it seems much
easier to go with the flow, the only problem for me is it leaves me feeling
empty and confused and lonely as well.
As
I blogged a few month ago I was challenged by the concept that you don’t have
to do to be, this idea continues to change my life every day. Now I am being challenged by the idea that as
a parent it is not necessarily my job to tell my children, or any other
children, what they should or shouldn’t do, or try to manipulate or control
them to say, do and think what I want
them to, not even my job to solve their problems for them. Rather the idea is to provide an environment to
help them make the most of their own skills and energy to secure cooperation
and responsibility. The objective is to grow confident and responsible adults,
that I will share a strong connection with.
Another
idea is that when our own needs are met we feel affectionate, confident,
empowered, engaged, inspired, excited, hopeful, grateful and exhilarated but
when our needs are not met we feel annoyed, disconnected, sad, vulnerable, embarrassed,
tense, confused and angry (M.B. Rosenberg).
To meet needs we need to listen to our own bodies and intuition, or
truly listen when our spouse or children talk to us. It takes time, you need to be really
connected to yourself and those around you, and it cannot be manufactured or
faked and as I am finding you need to be prepared to have your beliefs
challenged and you need to be courageous.
Unschooling
is another idea that has caught my attention lately and this challenges a lot
of my beliefs. Unschooling believes that children can teach themselves through their
curiosity and eagerness to explore the world. It focuses on real world learning
experiences, and it allows the child to dictate his or her education by
deciding what they do, or don’t, want to learn about. This seems crazy to me, but the number of
children who struggle through 13 years of formal education also causes me a
great deal of concern.
If I looked at my world and saw love and peace and hope
and joy I probably wouldn’t see any reason to challenge mainstream beliefs and
ideas, but I don’t. I see lots of
sadness, violence, brokenness, abuse, depression, anxiety, worry and fear which
is what gets me thinking there must be a better way.
There is a lot going on in my head and
heart at the moment, I am not saying any of the above ideas are the answer, as
I approach my birthday so many things I thought I already knew are being
challenged, and new ideas are being formed and investigated and I am certainly
being extended outside my comfort zone. Gail Sheehy said “If we don't change, we don't
grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living”, and one thing I am sure of is
while I am here I want to really live, not just exist. what do you think?